So, now I have this hyper focus on offenses, they are everywhere. And suddenly I have this epiphany... I am one of the biggest perpetrators. I am offensive to my wife, kids parents... I quickly realize... "I can't do this!." At least not in my own strength. The good news is that we are not alone, and if God commands that we forgive in order to be forgiven then he has provided the strength and ability to forgive others. Even our enemies. Often times we are so absorbed with ourselves that we allow offensive behavior to go unnoticed and then unchecked. At least until it is aimed at us.
When I would fall into offense from either side I quickly acknowledged that I had no right to make final judgements about the situation and if I was the offender, then I would quickly ask the Lord for forgiveness and for help to forgive. I wouldn't always go to the person, they are under just as much obligation to manage their heart before the Lord as I do. Which brings up an interesting point. Sometimes we feel like in order to forgive we have to go to the person and tell them all the things we feel about them or said about them or did to them behind their back. Then, we expect them to forgive us because if they really are christians then well Jesus says; blah,blah,blah..... When we forgive it is a heart issue between us and God. Yes often times God will use an encounter between individuals to bring about healing, but usually time has expired since the offense and the perspectives have been cleared.
Let me tell you to what lengths I went through to better understand this subject matter. I went to a conference in Colorado, while there I had purposed to meet with a family member who I hadn't seen in some time. Well through a series of events and reasons beyond my control, we were unable to connect. I spoke to this individual over the phone and he was cordial and told me it was ok but I had this feeling like it really wasn't. Prior to this we had been very close; talking on the phone once or twice per week really flourishing in our relationship. After the situation I mention above something was different. I asked him if I had done something to offend him and he said no, but through tone and word choice I knew that something was wrong. Our talks became much less frequent, he began to stagger in his support of our parents, days grew into weeks and weeks into months since I last heard from him. This all happened during the time the Lord began to teach me about offenses. On this one occasion I texted him because I was starting to take offense with the fact that he could just disregard my friendship and it was more of a hurt then what we may call a typical offense. So I told him, I have to let you know that I am a bit hurt that you would cut me off the way you have. As soon as I said that; Out came the poison and he began to name dates and times, he began to assign motive and intent and before I knew it I was tried, judged and executed all in one safe swoop. I was set back. I had this out of body experience, it was like I was looking down on the whole situation. I had two ways I could go with this. It didn't help that this brief communication was all via text. I never encourage you to attempt issues like this through texting, it never works. I felt bad for him, I actually began to see that for the last several months he was in a prison, tormented and it cost him dearly to carry out or should I say neglect the relationship that had taken so long to foster. I knew he loved me but the offense had forced him to live out in a way that is contrary to love. As a matter of fact, the ones we love the most are the ones that offend the deepest.
I texted these words: I am sorry if I hurt you. I would never intentionally do anything like you describe of my own choosing. This conversation is going downward really fast. I prefer not to continue this dialogue any further. However, know this, I love you, you are my brother and you could never do anything that would make me stop loving you. Why don't we give it a little time and pick this up after we have had some time to think. Need less to say he changed his word choices and today we have since then spoken and resolved our misunderstandings and love is the basis of our relationship once again.
I shared this teaching with him and his response was overwhelmingly positive. He said it was like he was empowered to fight against offenses because he realized that due to offenses he struggled to draw near to God and others.
Jesus took 12 men and shared His life and understanding with them for 3 and half years. When he would teach them he would usually do it experientially. He would usually enter the situation, act or say accordingly, then teach them the principles of why and how His kingdom operates.
Is it any different today? He walks with us in the middle of our life threatening situations and through his Word teaches us His principles to overcome and succeed through our life struggles. Sometimes we want to mystify our interaction with the Lord. If this is you that's ok. Some where we can also use the practical to draw experience and knowledge as walk through this journey of life.
We can handle offenses in one of two ways. We can consider the person, their character and where they are in life and give them grace and through our actions represent Christ and help them recover from the trap that could alienate them from their relationship to Christ or we can take a posture of self justification attempting to preserve our good name and put up a stumbling block that could rob them of their very salvation.
Love ya!
More to come....
Ed
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